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Ascorbic


Ashley Arnold


We went ascorbic for three days straight, and when the veil fell, Toby was a nervous wreck and Angela had disappeared altogether.
      "Where the fuck is Angelina?" I said to Toby.
      Toby pulled the skin back from his eyes and wriggled out a response. My eyes were still a little skinned, so I missed it.
      "Speak up, for fuck's ache Toby."
      "I don't know. She's gone. We were ascorbic too long this time Billy. Too fucking long."
      Too long. Your fault, in other words. It was three days back to where we started, and I didn't have enough ascorbic to get us back even one. I know Toby didn't have any. The only one who might have had enough - or had the brains to earn us some - was Angey.
      But Angela had disappeared.
      "We're toast then. We're happy as clowns in an upside down turtleneck-fucking church-bell-ringing skip-smoking bluff stroker."
      "We're ghost balled," Toby agreed.
      I looked around at where we were. A booth at an eatery, a hamburger joint most likely. The Tofu Police were hardly like to find us here - the place had none of their style. That didn't mean we could let our guard down though. They had an annoying habit of turning up just after the veil fell while your eyes were still skinned and you couldn't do anything about them.
      Toby sat with his back to the wall and his head in the shroud.
      My seat pressed uncomfortably against my coccyx. Made of the new Anyshape metal, it supposedly contoured to any body shape. I hoped it stayed solid long enough for us to finish whatever we were doing and get out of the place.
      "You got some ascorbic though, right?" Toby said, as if he had only finished penning the dots in his mind.
      "Not enough," I said.
      "Then where the fuck is Angelina?" Toby never was so sleek on the uptake.
      "Our eyes were skinned and we were ascorbic for three days. Angey's gone."
      "We're fucked then."
      A man plastered in a nearby booth looked over. "Mind your language."
      "You fucking what?"
      "That talk about the eyes and the skinning. I won't have my waif and chillin listen to that kind of talk."
      "Fuck you, old man, we're sorry."
      "Fuck, it's all right," the man said. "Just keep it down."
      I leaned closer to Toby. The ridges on the metal seat squirmed beneath my buttocks. "Toby, how did we go ascorbic for three days and wind up in a family restaurant?"
      Toby shrugged. "Angelina would know."
      But Angela had disappeared.
      "Man, that's a crucial ligament," I said, and sat back.
      "Maybe we'll find another Angey here," Toby said. His eyes were fully peeled now, the lids open and the balls lined with eyeish nectar.
      I almost snapped back at him - find another Angey, was he fucking joking? - but he stared at me too long, and I realised he was scared. I knew what scared him the most. He thought I might leave him now that Angela wasn't around to weave us together, skin our eyes, raise the veil and let us go ascorbic. So I said, "We'll find someone, Tobe. Someone will help us find our Angelina."
      Toby blinked and visibly relaxed, although I didn't know how me saying it and he listening made things any different.
      "Angey's gone," I whispered to myself.
      Fuck. Angela has disappeared.

After a while I slipped outside and picked at the locust dust with my toes.
      I looked around. A highway. And nothing else.
      The locust fields stretched off as far as I could see in both directions, flatter than an ace of spaces. Only the hamburger joint broke the mow knot any.
     Toby wandered on out behind with his hands knotting yellow brick roads. "Staple me, what a fuck," he said when he saw the desert.
     The air played fiddlesticks in my lungs. It had the smell of plane glass, a sand-on-the-window kind of smell that tickled the ventricles.
      I coughed and spat out a doughnut-shaped organism.
      "So where are we?" Toby said. "Beyond the veil?"
      I gave Toby a withering look. "The veil fell, remember. We're on the tourniquet highway I suppose." In the distance, against the dazzle of a pie floater sun, something moved. It came closer, fast, and soon resolved to a lipstick blue convertible stroking it down the highway.
      "Why would anyone drive a car when they could just go ascorbic?" Toby said.
      "Maybe for the same reason we would." I stuck out my thumb.
      The driver jumped on the brakes hard, and slid to a stop only a metre away. Dust showered us. Toby coughed and spat out tarantula-shaped goo that overlapped my own effort and sank into the hungry ground.
      When the dust cleared, the driver became visible. She was a she, near as I could tell. Dark hair, pheromone eyes, pale skin that winked and said, 'touch me if you want your face slapped'.
      "You boys look like you need a ride," she said.
      Toby leapt into the back seat. I followed a more conservative route and opened the door, slid into the front seat with a corduroy versus leather slink.
      The driver hit the excel aerator, and we were flying down the highway faster than notoriety.
      "I'm Serena." Her voice swirled around my head before the road snatched it away.
      "We've lost Angelina," Toby shouted from the back. "Have you seen her?"
      Serena smiled, shook her head. "I guess you guys are out of as, to be stuck at the Random Diner." She glanced over at me, then back at the road.
      "Angela always took care of our ascorbic," I said, and it sounded so lame I could have pushed myself under the veil.
      Serena laughed. "And without her you've no purpose, no will, and no desire. Poor little boys."
      I looked back at Toby. He smiled and nodded, as if he didn't hear the sarcasm in Serena's voice. Back there with the wind of the willing swirling around his head, he might not have heard anything.
      "I can help you though," Serena said then.
      "You've got some as?"
      Again she shook her head, but I got the impression it wasn't a negative this time. Her eyes peeled the road. "I can take you to your friend."
      Toby leaned forward, telescoping his head between the front seats. "I thought you said you hadn't seen Angey." I guess he could hear back there.
      "Not seen, no. But I know where she is." Serena's eyes flicked towards me again. "I don't think you're going to like it though."
      Toby sat back, a bemused look on his face.
      Not like seeing our Angelina? I couldn't think why.
      The hum of the car, cheese platter tyres over sandpaper road, numbed my head. I felt ovoid. Three days ascorbic did take it out of you.
      I woke some time later. The car had stopped. We were in a city, parked outside a nightclub. The sun pranced high in the sky - early afternoon - but the club was active.
      I heard the thump of cryogenic music with its unchanging beat. I had never liked cryo. It always seemed too cold and distant to me.
      Then I saw the sign above the entrance with an unmistakeable symbol, two people twisted together in loops. "This is a Hedon club. What are we doing here?"
      "We don't like Hedons," Toby added.
      "You'll have to go in. See for yourself."
      I popped the convertible's door and started to get out.
     Serena's light touch stopped me. "Don't say I didn't warn you. I'll be waiting."
      I slipped out of the car and walked up the steps to the front door of the club. Toby clinked along right behind.
      In the foyer the autobouncer scanned our retinas, decided we weren't undesirable, and granted entry.
      The interior of the club lay in bogey-man darkness. I was blind after the strength of the mescaline sunlight. After a few moments, red light sorted its way through the black.
      Toby and I walked through the rough carpeted room. The cryo belted my taste buds into submission. Here inside the club it was so loud it became part of my body.
      I began to make out faces, bodies. Little alcoves contained seated figures. Some writhed in tortellini poses. I passed an alcove crammed with bodies, all plucking each other's cherries in a delight of hedonistic anonymity.
      Then I saw Angela.
      Our Angey, dressed up in Hedon gear. Finger-thin leather straps concealed the basics of her body. One pink nipple peeked out from beneath the strap across her breasts. It was the first time I'd seen Angela anywhere near naked.
      A large guy - white as a dead fish, even in the dull red light - sat next to Angela. He looked up, nudged her. I had to hold myself back from jumping that piece of lemon dandy and crushing his skull into the floor for touching my Angelina.
      I sensed Toby behind my shoulder bristling like a toy-nosed masochist.
      Angey looked up.
      "Billy." I saw her mouth move but didn't hear any sound over the music.
      "Fuck, Angela. What are you doing in a place like this?" I had to shout.
      Angelina shook her head, her eyes focussed behind me. I noticed two other Hedons had closed up. The big whale began to rise, but Angey grabbed his arm and he lowered himself back to the seat.
      "How did you find me?"
      "Some chick called Serena drove us here," I said.
      Angela said something under her breath that might have been "sump oil bitch".
      "We need you Angey. What happened to you? The veil fell and when we peeled our eyes, you were gone."
      "This is where I want to be." She said it so plain faced and inch-to-the-wall that I had to believe her.
      "Want? Among these loam-brain Hedons with their pimple pillows and polka dot dildos? They're stitches - facials with no zone."
      Angela stood. "What future did we have though?" She shouted now too. Her flushed cheeks pulsated to the thump of the cryo.
      Three days since I last saw her, and she was a different person.
      "How long have you wanted…this?"
      "A turtle's life."
      "And you never beat the ship?"
      "What good would it do? You two are roped into limb and high tilt for life. I don't want to skin anymore. I don't want to go as anymore."
      I let out a deep breath. I felt claustro all of a sudden - more Hedons behind, crowding and stuffing strep-laced attitude in my arse.
      I had a little ascorbic, enough to beknight them a few times over to get Angey out of there. It needed her to cooperation to work though. If she didn't want to come it wasn't worth it.
      Our Angelina had disappeared.
      "We need some more as," I said.
      Angey shrugged, filched empty imaginary pockets. "Sold it."
      "You sold it?"
      Behind me, Toby chimed, "What the fuck?" like a priest who'd heard a blasphemy.
      "Don't use that kind of language here - we're not friends," the man beside Angela said. His deep voice had a bowling ball finality to it. "Why would Diamond need ascorbic now that she's here?"
      It took Angey's cringe at 'Diamond' to work out that was the Hedon name she had been given. Like some cult owned her now.
      "I think you should glide," Angelina - Diamond? - said.
      "Have a life of scones and cream then," I said, though I didn't really mean the curse. Thinking back over the past couple of months, the signs were all there. Toby would say something stupid and Angey would turn up her mouth but not even look at me to share the joke. Angela going off to buy ascorbic and coming back with none. Angelina searching telephone directories like they were paperback thrillers.
      I sparked my way through the gathered mob of Hedons. They were all big boys, wax-chested and punchy-spoken. I re-evaluated the amount of ascorbic I would have needed to take them out. Not enough.
      I stepped back out into the broadside sunlight, ignoring the thankyou chime from the autobouncer.
      I saw the pair of Tofu police at the same moment they saw me. They stood either side of Serena's car, and from the look on her face, they'd been giving her a four hundred gram T-bone grilling.
      The one closest to me pointed. "That's them."
      I reached behind, grabbed Toby by the front of his shirt, and took off, dragging him down the street.
      The pair of them gave chase, waving Botox sticks like deranged circus clowns.
      Toby and I shaved a close corner into a dead-end alley.
      "We're ghost balled," Toby said.
      I took out my tiny sachet of ascorbic, sprinkled half in my hand, and thrust the rest upon Toby. "Not yet we're not."
      "Go as now? But Billy, without Angey -"
      "It'll be short and rough. Just do it."
      I swallowed my share and waited for the veil to rise. The ascorbic melted and vaporised with my saliva. Without Angelina there it was a different experience, all edges and barbed wire rather than soft crushes.
      Still, my eyes peeled and I went ascorbic. I assumed Toby had done the same, but once the veil rose everything stretched into infinity.
      I could smell the heels of the Tofu police before they bowled into the alley and met a temporary ascorbic brick wall.
      Tofu police and their Botox sticks or peppercorn spray don't mean much against two guys gone as, even with the little amount I had.
      The infinite stretch soon collapsed into a pickle of normality.
      The police lay in front of us, heads caved in but still salvageable by one of their medical units. The majority of the population held the Tofu police in little regard, since the Tofus were only a quasi-legal law enforcement group. I didn't think anyone would care much that two of them would have to be regrown.
      Toby stood beside me, his chest rising and falling as the veil fell. "Fuck, that was brittle."
      "Ashtray," I agreed.
      Serena pulled up at the alley, glanced at the police and turned up her nose. "Get in. We can't stay here any longer."
      I bucked into the front seat, slamming the door a little harder than I needed to. With my eyes still a little skinned, the recent meeting with Angela stuck hard in my mind like a blanket full of rocks.
      Toby bobbed up from the back seat, his eyes peeled and twinkling with moisture in the afternoon sun. "So who's Diamond?"

Serena and I sat in the Random Diner again, warming cold coffee with our fingers. Toby lay asleep in the car - the trip back had lulled him into the land of coma again.
      "He doesn't know, does he?" Serena said.
      "Who Toby? No, I don't think he knows we've lost our Angelina for good."
      Serena nodded, took a sip of coffee.
      "She knew you," I said. Angey had laid suspicion of Serena's motives on me. "She knew your name. It was no accident you picked us up."
      "No, there are no accidents."
      "Why? How did you know we would be here?"
      "Angey's always been Angey. She uses up her boys and then moves on. Normally she doesn't go Hedon, but she's always been a little weird."
      "What will we do?"
      "I've got as. Lots of it. Years worth." Serena put on a shy look for the first time since we had met. "You could come with me."
      I looked at her - really looked - for the first time. She was white wine pale, chiselled out of a gold statue, glowing like a Pekinese on heat. Nothing at all like Angelina's walnut tan and bold strength. It would be no shame to go ascorbic with Serena.
      "I get the feeling there's a price though," I said.
      Serena shifted ever so slightly. Maybe the Anyshape moulded chair had partially liquefied beneath her, but I didn't think so. "I want you to come with me. Just you."
      I nodded. Toby had hooked me up with Angela. I'd been going as with him for so long now I didn't know if I could do it without him there. Good old Toby, so slow that he could even stabilise the trip ascorbic.
      "But…but…I can't."
      "Why not? Before Angela and he found you what did you do?"
      I ignored her question. I had drifted through torrents of futile drugs and criminations with a vague anti-Bolshevik feel about them. Swung from towers in a King Kong suit and haunted a little house on the prairie in which lived a little woman who called herself mum. Nothing I wanted to return to.
      "What will he do though?" I said. "He's not the kind of guy who can take care of himself."
      "He'll have the car. I won't need it anymore. That'll take him a long way. He's holding you back, Billy."
      I stuck my fist in my mouth. I chewed until I hit bone. I felt like a real shit, a castrated bovine, a practical joker who had given a friend bowel cancer. I think I felt that way because I'd already made up my mind.
      Serena pressed on. Her hands enfolded my free hand. She lowered her voice. "Please. My eyes need skinning. It's been…so long."
      My fist plopped out of my mouth, a wet fish on the table. "I'd better leave him a note. How much ascorbic do you have, really?"
      "Enough to get a long, long way from here."
      I wrote a note, folded it and laid it on Toby's chest. I couldn't look at his face. 'Toby, the car is yours - it'll take you a long way. You'll be fine. Gone as. Billy.' Would he ever get his head in the shroud again? Maybe, but I didn't think so. I left him there gathering dust from the locust fields, under the buzz of the Random Diner lights.
      Serena smiled when I walked back into the diner.
     "Let's go, before I change my mind."
      We initiated the transaction that only a man and a woman together properly can. We drew the veil, skinned our eyes. We went ascorbic. We went as for what seemed like light years.



Ashley is an Adelaide-based writer. He has been writing since before he could eat solids, or at least a year, whichever is greater. Has appeared in AntipodeanSF and Andromeda Spaceways and enjoys being pampered Roman-grape style. Ashley also enjoys posing rhetorical questions, doesn't he? For more of Ashley's weirder, slapstickier and ruder flash fiction, check out http://users.chariot.net.au/~thegoat/story_index.html .

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